Recently, l was having a conversation with one of my very good friends and somehow, we got talking about how I used to strongly dislike almost everyone. That might sound like a funny sentence but for me that was reality.
I had had so much happen around me that further sealed that thought. I saw almost no good in people and believed no one. I had a cynical explanation for almost every nice act that people did.
To simply put it, I was a mess.
But somewhere along the way, God guided me to Himself. In the moment when I felt farthest from God, He pulled me to Himself with His endless love. It was a replica of the story of the prodigal son that found his way home.
As we continued our conversation, it dawned on me just how far God has brought me from who I used to be. I smile so much when I hear people talk about how easily I relate with others knowing who I used to be.
Often, I realise that I get so caught up with trying to be a “better” me that forget to appreciate all that God has done for me. While it is often said that we should burn the old bridges and not look back, I find that for me to truly appreciate the Lord’s mercy in my life, I must understand just how far He has brought me out from the miry clay.
I am so thankful and grateful that I can say, the Lord is my Ebenezer! So far has the Lord helped me.
“Samuel took a single rock and set it upright between Mizpah and Shen. He named it “Ebenezer” (Rock of Help), saying, “This marks the place where GOD helped us.”” 1 Samuel7:12(MSG)
Why is there so much suffering in the world? Why do kids die? Why are people desperately wicked?
Questions like this come up whenever people want to argue against the existence of a loving God.
Even as a Christian, I have sometimes had these questions in my heart too. During our last bible study, we decided to have a time of fellowship where we would talk about any questions we had relating to Christianity and life in general.
As something that had popped up in one of our bible study sessions, I decided to ask the question, “How do we answer unbelievers who ask that if God exists, why does He allow horrible things to happen to the innocent? How do you explain the death of their two-week-old baby to a couple?”
While we pondered on these things, someone made a comment that stuck with me. She said that we really don’t know. While we might try to find answers to every question, we are not God and we cannot comprehend His mind. The best we can probably offer such people is just to support and comfort them in any way we have opportunity to.
The explanation brought this song, Death has Died (Andy Mineo), to mind. The only place we can get comfort is in our Lord. It is in remembering that He killed death over 2000 years ago, when He rose from the grave. We can encourage those around us with these words. The promise that one day Jesus with come back and usher in a new world without pain or suffering is our succour.
Today, might look bleak and hopeless. But our Lord that conquered the grave is ever near us. If we would rest on His bosom, He would speak those reassuring words to us, “Death, hell, and the grave has died!”.
“…then shall be brought to pass the saying that is written, Death is swallowed up in victory. O death, where is thy sting? O grave, where is thy victory?” 1 Corinthians 15:54-55 (KJV)
For me that was such an everyday phrase. I would constantly throw pity parties for myself lamenting my lot: If only my parents were a bit richer. If only they spent a bit more money on me. If only my job paid a bit better… On and on the list goes.
A few weeks ago, I got half of the score for one of the modules. As you can imagine the first thought that came to me again was, if only…
Although I had gotten one of the top grades, there were still people that did better than I did. Rather than being encouraged about the result, my only thought was that it could have been better. God did, after all, say His children will be the head and not tail.
As I thought about this, the Spirit was kind enough to remind me that I was being a brat. I had ignored all that I should be thankful for and only sought more.
I could not help but feel ashamed of myself. But what could I do? It had become my lifestyle. I said a quick prayer asking God to give me a grateful heart and closed the results.
God being God, knew exactly what I needed. Few minutes after that, I opened my devotional for the day. It was titled “Do you want to be wealthy?” On seeing this, I thought it was going to be a lesson about trusting God for us to be blessed with wealth in the physical sense but it was not so.
The key verse was, “Better is little with the fear of the LORD than great treasure and trouble therewith” – Proverbs 15:16 (KJV). The writer talked about how she had been dissatisfied with her not-so-colourful but full wardrobe. The person went to say that at the end of the day, God showed her how ungrateful she had been and that there are so many people in the world that cannot comprehend having as much as she does.
Reading this, all I could see was myself. I am constantly consumed with achieving earthly gains that I forget all I ought to be thankful for, including the salvation of my soul.
I was reminded that all earthly gains are just that, earthly! I can’t take them with me when I leave this world. I saw my sorry state and all I could do was call on Him who is able to renew the heart and the soul. O, that I might have a grateful heart!
“For what is a man profited, if he shall gain the whole world, and lose his own soul? or what shall a man give in exchange for his soul?”(KJV 16:26 Matthew)
As I begrudgingly made my way to church that morning, I could not help but feel sorry for myself. I had had no free day for the past three weeks. If it was not work, it was church or some other activity that I needed to do.
The weekend before, we had been busy with a friend’s wedding, only to get back on Monday and still go to work. By the end of week, I was feeling very tired. I was struggling with being unwell and extremely tired from all I had to do.
Waking up for church was definitely not an easy feat. “Do I absolutely have to go?” “There’s work again on Monday, I’m going to be tired for another whole week”.
On and on I moaned my lot. I had become so tied up with things to do that making time for God feels like asking for too much.
Somehow, I managed to get myself ready but I was not feeling good. As my custom is, I put on my headphones to listen to anything that would make me feel better. While flickering through my playlist, I heard this song. This was not the first time I would hear this song, but each time I did, it was just what I needed.
Like the musician, I needed the world to stop so I could spend some time with my Lord.I realised even though I was complaining so much, I still managed to make time for other activities, time which I should have spent with God.
I can only pray for God to help keep my focus on Him rather than the bustling going on all around me.
“I like people that are religious like you”, “I’ve always thought of you as very holy”, “You are an example to others”, “I thought you are like the poster-girl for church” on and on.
On numerous occasions, I have had to listen to comments like this. At first, I thought nothing of it; they were just passing comments. But as time went on they only got worse. Eventually, I tried defending myself that I was far from all they said, but that served little to no purpose – they thought I was being humble.
Time and time again, I tried to figure out what I said or did that gave people the impression that I had Christianity all figured out but I couldn’t see it. Is giving a testimony all it takes? Going for mid-week meetings every now and then? Coming early to church? These are all the basic things expected of us as Christian so why is there a hype over it?
In no time, I found myself trapped in a corner. Unable to show my short comings, having to keep up with an image that I never asked for. Only if they knew how inadequate I am! How much I struggle!
As I listened to this song; especially the chorus, I couldn’t help but be comforted. I don’t have to be someone else just to please people or meet their expectations – church people or not.
I’m a product of Grace…. I don’t have to be great because my God is!
As I entered the church, I felt different, self-conscious. I had the same look all week long but for Sunday… it just felt inadequate. I didn’t look ‘Christian’, and I was sure that was also the thought in most people’s minds.
I tried to look confident – walked in with my head held high – but I couldn’t shake the feeling that everyone was looking at me (even though they probably weren’t).
Towards the end of 2014, I went back to Nigeria with full conviction that God had a purpose for me, even though most people around me opposed the idea.
Often times, I had wondered why God had me go back there.
On getting to Nigeria, it was only natural that I would go to the same church as I had done in the UK, even though I knew my take on a lot of things would be different from theirs. The first thing I noticed was that church didn’t feel like it used to.
Each time any preacher came up to preach, it was like I was looking for an opportunity to disagree with something he says. The minute I latched on to something, I would tune out the sermon. Going to church became more of a ritual than the worship it was meant to be.
I later realised that one of the reasons I was so sensitive was because I felt people judged me because I looked different.
A while ago, I had an induction on what a Christian should “look” like: As a lady, your skirt had to be a certain length, anything at all that makes you look different was not acceptable.
And on and on the list went.
Who exactly makes these rules though? Why are we trying to make standards for everyone when Jesus Himself said that to each their own and that this is an individual race?
I understand our church leaders wanting to guide us aright so we don’t fall, but what happens when the church is so focused on what we look like on the outside that it’s used to determine whether we are Christians or not?
Going to church became such an awkward ordeal, that I didn’t bother telling church members that I was already a Christian when they preached repentance to me. My appearance never looked ‘Christian’ enough.
From other people’s experiences that I have learned or am learning about, I am finding that these are not my thoughts alone. A good number of fellow Christians find themselves dispirited because, according to their other brethren, they don’t look ‘Christian’.
Sadly, for some, the distress runs so deep that it pushes them away from the gatherings of the children of God.
The prejudice of what passes for ‘Christian’ runs so deep that it will take God’s intervention to break from it. I can only hope that we start to see one another as Jesus does. Jesus loves us for being who we are rather than who we think we ought to be.
You could be a Peter; too scared of the standards set by his other Christian brethren – based, not on God’s will, but their prejudice – to follow God’s will for his life in relation to the Gentiles. Becoming, not who God made you to be but trying to fit into the box made by humans who are too blinded by culture or tradition to depend on the Holy Spirit’s will for your life.
Or
You can be a Paul; who, knowing what God’s will for him is, refused to bow to the expectations of men – Christian brethren or no – and their standards. Doing that would have required him to sacrifice God’s purpose in his life to satisfy the traditions of fallen men who themselves are too busy trying to foil someone else purpose with the excuse of tradition instead of focusing on what they’ve been called to.
If the salvation of the Gentiles and their acceptance into the fold had depended on Peter, where would a lot of us be today? Considering what his fear of being caught fraternizing with the Gentiles by his brethren could have led to.
We need to understand that we weren’t made to be like other people. People who tell you to pray to be like Christ but are too busy trying to mould you into being more like them.
Each and every one of us has a purpose that is in direct correlation with who we are, who God made us to be.
God made each and every one of us individuals – fearfully and wonderfully unique – and we’re supposed to find freedom in the beauty of our uniqueness. But a lot of us are kept in the bondage or box of trying to fit ourselves into someone else’s standards or expectations. We try to become what God made them to be while letting go of what God made us to be as individuals.
Square peg, round hole!
Becoming a Peter, who in spite of God showing him His will in regards to the Gentiles, still couldn’t free himself from the bondage of other people’s expectations. He had to keep hiding who he really was from his brethren, denying himself of his God given freedom. Just has when he denied Jesus three times, Peter not only denied Christ, but also who he was in Christ so as not to fall out of the box of human expectations.
Just as a Choir is comprised of different people – with different voices, set on their own unique frequencies – who come together to work and sing in harmony.
A choir where everyone is trying to sing the same note as the other isn’t harmonious; a soprano trying to sing like the alto, or the tenor or bass and vice versa does not work. What works is everyone knowing their purpose and revelling in their own uniqueness.
God made you who are you, what you are. You need to get to know who that person is and what God has made you to do with your individuality. Don’t let go of God’s will trying to satisfy other people who will answer individually to God on the day of Judgement.
Why are we more concerned with pleasing imperfect humans than we are with pleasing God?
No one can make you anything you don’t want to be. You always have a choice in the matter. Choose wisely!
There’s something that has always baffled me and I just never seem to be able to get my head around it.
Why does the Church feel the need to be at war with itself?
I have, in times past, had to sit through ministers put down fellow ministers of God. Sentences like, “These ministers are like this… Unlike those ministers we are like this… Unlike that congregation we do this…” Always trying to one-up each other!
I went to a church some time ago and it was nothing like I had ever seen. Almost all of the sermon (and I use the word sermon loosely) was all about how ministers of God today are fake.
From my perception, it was evident that the congregation have been indoctrinated to believing other churches are inferior to theirs.
I sat down there with a heavy heart… I tried picturing what an unbeliever coming for the first time would’ve seen. I kept thinking that if the pastor was saying pastors nowadays are all about money and not the doctrine of God, why should anyone think he is any different?
I left that service gaining nothing but knowing one more place of worship to avoid in the future. God has given us a message of Salvation; to propagate His gospel.
God said that judgement is with Him. Why don’t we leave the judging to Him and focus on the work given to us instead. He said, “Go ye therefore, and teach all nations, baptising them in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Ghost. Teaching them to observe all things whatsoever I have commanded you…” – Matthew 28:18, 19 (KJV).
The Bible does warn us to beware of wolves with false doctrine and it is good to remind ourselves that these false prophets are around us but I’m sure that isn’t the key message for us to propagate.
Let us seek to see only God and not the errors of men. In His infinite mercy, He would direct us in the way to go and give us a discerning Spirit to know His truth from the lie of men without us needing to slander one another.
He’s done it so many times now; it shouldn’t be a shock or a surprise. It just has to do with the fact that he hates me. He hates all of us. But I seem to always let that fact slip my mind, my consciousness.
How do you fight an invisible enemy?
Well, I figure, by realising that in so many ways, he possesses visibility. His deceit is visible in the things all around us.
It’s in the one you’re in love with who doesn’t believe in the almighty God. You know you shouldn’t but you can’t help it. He consumes you, and in his consumption, you lose sight of the Saviour who sought you. You become unequally yoked with one you place in the seat of the Holy Spirit.
You believe the lie!
It’s in the mirror. When you become obsessed with the one staring back at you with the smug smile on her face! She wants to be the only one you think about, the only one you love. She wants to remind you of how much you don’t measure up, but how easily that can be remedied. Your vanity consumes you; your Saviour is in the back seat.
You believe the lie!
It’s on your tongue. Your words are so filthy, snide, mean, rude… But it doesn’t faze you. Putting people in their place is the excuse. People need honesty; they need to be taught how to be. What’s your honesty? Your pride consumes you so fully you can’t even sight your Saviour anymore.
You believe the lie!
It’s in your thoughts. Yeah, the ones you shouldn’t be thinking but convince yourself are harmless. You welcome the wrong in your thoughts because, “they’re only thoughts, not actions”. The bible says that as a man thinks, so is he. Who are you? Your compromise lays you to waste, your Saviour’s benched.
You believe the lie!
It’s in your standards. The self-justification of how things work; you convince yourself that the better your standards, the closer you will be to God, the more approval He’ll bestow upon you. You cling to the law and make redundant the hard bought grace that your Saviour offers. Your legalism, your conformation to standards instead of grace, ensures you a time of skating on thin ice. It’ll work, but only for a short time. Your arrogance blinds you; your Saviour’s gift is returned to Him, bow and all.
You believe the lie!
It’s in your sexuality. The times you promise yourself that you’ll never go back, only to dive back into sin! Your flesh wants to give in to what it shouldn’t have and you give it the reins. Your Saviour becomes an afterthought that only registers after a few minutes of pleasure that can’t save you. Do you feel better now? I bet not! You throw away the light you’ve been given on the off chance that sex will make it all better. It never does. Gratifying the flesh ruins you, your soul split, your Saviour ignored.
You believe the lie!
The enemy deceives like no other. His hate for us makes it easier for him to single-mindedly chase after our destruction. We make it easier by giving into weaknesses that do not glorify the Almighty God.
They say the worst enemy is one who has absolutely nothing to lose… Well, our enemy is that. He has nothing to lose because he knows his end, but in the time he has, he wreaks havoc.
He deceives with that which we feel too comfortable with and that which we fear. He deceives by giving that which is beautiful, when in fact, it covers a lot of evil; all that glitters is not gold.
When you battle this enemy, you do so with prayer in the name of Jesus. Because that is the name by which every knee shall bow and every tongue shall confess that Jesus is Lord.
The deceit is that we should focus so much on earthly things that will pass away and forget that we are spiritual beings. We are spirit first, soul and body. Our warfare, which we sometimes forget about, is spiritual. We are in a war and every battle counts.
You might weaken and fall, but your success is in how many times you get back up and continue fighting.
The enemy hates us all… Will you keep letting that fact slip your mind too?
My God is awesome. My God is amazing. My God is the King of all kings. My God deserves all praise and honour. My God is powerful above all else. My God is love. My God is never forgetful. My God is faithful. My God is merciful. My God is the Creator of all creation. My God is the Lord of lords. My God is worthy of praise and worship. My God deserves the best I could ever give or acquire. My God is the best. My God is God.
I can’t remember the last time I just praised and worshipped God in spite of it all. The world has crowded in so much that I can’t remember the last time I was just still with Him.
I can’t remember the last time I appreciated God for who He is and for all that He has done. Life has gotten bigger than me; than I ever thought it could for me that with each disappointment, I stepped away from God.
I forgot to thank Him for just being alive, for just breathing at all. I forgot to do a whole lot of things. I realized that when disappointments hit, I’m the type to withdraw into myself. In the last few weeks, I’ve learned to stop expecting anything good to happen so as to avoid having my hopes shattered.
Hope got so far from me that anytime I thought of hoping for something, anything, I’d warn myself against it. I couldn’t/can’t afford to have anything else taken away from me. I’ve been so close to the edge that I think anything would tip me over and it’d be hard to get back to me.
Lately, I don’t even know who ‘me’ is. I seem so far from the ‘me’ I recognise sometimes that it’s absolutely scary.
But today, I realized that all the trials that seem to keep running into me and ramming me over are making me strong and better. These are preparing me for whatever plan God has for me.
While I have issues with not knowing what the plan is, I know now that I don’t need to have the knowledge of it, but to trust in the God who’s making the plans. He did promise that the plans He has for my life are for good and not for evil. The plans He’s making are for my best and the furthering of the gospel.
So why was I so angry? Blindness to what the future looks like isn’t really working for me, I reckon.
But now I remember. I remember that every time it gets hard and I can’t see or feel God, He shows me something to remind me that He’s there. And before I left my flat at uni to come home, my ‘something’ was the sunrise.
I got to see it in the mornings when I woke up and it was beautiful. I’d stay awake and get to see it before going to sleep in the morning, or God wakes me up right in time for the sun to rise in my view.
And today, I finally saw that regardless of all the things going wrong that I can’t control, I need to put my focus on God and trust Him. I need to praise God even at my lowest points. I need to worship and surrender all of me to Him. I need to cast my cares on Him because He cares for me.
Recently, l was having a conversation with one of my very good friends and somehow, we got talking about how I used to strongly dislike almost everyone. That might sound like a funny sentence but for me that was reality.
I want more!
As I entered the church, I felt different, self-conscious. I had the same look all week long but for Sunday… it just felt inadequate. I didn’t look ‘Christian’, and I was sure that was also the thought in most people’s minds.
Are you a Peter or Paul?
There’s something that has always baffled me and I just never seem to be able to get my head around it.
generationlac 